The harsh reality.

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Since my break-up with Gene last 2008, I didn’t engage myself to a relationship until now with Arman. Takeeh was a voluntary rebound guy who offered himself to help me get over that difficult break-up. It was a very lame excuse i know.. but I guess it was perfect that time. Maybe I was all hungry for love, and keeh was just there at the perfect place and time for that.

I tell you, I was all torn in bits and billion pieces and I just didn’t know how to get back up. I guess I felt the support I get from my family and friends was just not enough and I need to put myself back in pieces one bit at a time. I was jealous because Gene was already in a relationship and I was still sucked up in my own bubble and I just needed to be free.. Takeeh was a “party people” type guy. He was i guess all i need that time .. DIVERSION. So, i was partying again.. breaking rules and “living”. At first few days, it was all satisfaction and never guilt. But, I cannot deny the fact that I was lying to myself. It was hard to set myself free because there’s also that feeling of satisfaction in a way that I wished I was treated the same, but only with a different man.

People say how lucky he is (Takeeh) to have the girl of his dreams. I was the girl of his dreams. He was always very vocal about it to our friends and even with his previous girlfriends (that time i didn’t even know him yet). Maybe it must be the reason why getting out of it was so difficult because he was treating so nice..just like how I would always wanna be treated — a Queen. He spoiled me too much and it was almost like a dream. Unfortunately, reality sets in and I can’t just hide the fact that he was just not my type of guy. He drinks and smokes too much that i even after brushing I can still smell rotten eggs. He’s not particular in hygiene and i hate the way he always wear black shirt even on a hot sunny day. I’m a nurse and i’m very particular about all these things. I loathe how he seem to be too stuck-up and contented on what is now and future for him is like… “what?”.stunnedstunned He was a total opposite of a dream guy. But the fact that I was his princess.. maybe that’s how it made things OK.

Infairness for him, it was heartfelt when I did want to help him see the future. That I had to slap him a million times to hopefully widen his views that life isn’t just about partying and be contented. It was the best I can do for him and his family. They were all so nice, and it’s the only thing I know to repay them. That was 3 years back. It was funny how I had to leave the place — my hometowm just so I can start my life over  and out of that madness! haha. 

It took me more than 2 years to allow myself on getting back on the “dating” track. Because when I arrived here in Manila, I focused myself on family, future, career and I got back to photography to keep my sanity. It was all I can think of and nothing else.

before I was very extrovert,. I share almost anything and everything – showbiz was almost my last name. But I learned from Gene that I need to keep things to myself. Do what i love to do the most. and here I am now in Manila.. away from old friends and family.. getting to know myself from scratch and decided to be enough with the spoiled cord. Here I am now living my life differently.. I am again in a 1 year relationship with Arman. its difficult, too much struggle but happy.shyheart


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